Venice on the web
A semi-regular column

The traditional Christmas dinosaur
Some things never change and traditions become the comforting constants in a turbulent world... and then, there's Venice
-- John Patten, 12/01/04
-- jpatten@veniceflorida.com

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RELATED:
Legacy of lights continues to delight
-- Venice Gondolier Sun, 12/01/04

A new traditionalism
George Hakkio's electric zoo is alive and well and is currently residing on City Hall's front lawn. As noted in the Gondolier, Hakkio recently passed away and his widow donated the luminous menagerie to the city in the hopes that the display would live on.

The bizarre collection of animals, made from chicken wire and Christmas lights, are now spread out along the southwest corner of Venice Avenue and Harbor Drive.

In all honesty, the animals look pretty cool once the Sun has gone down. These are quite original works of art that are surprisingly entertaining. Hakkio's sense of tongue-in-cheek humor is plainly evident. The whole display has the sense of a child playing with a barnyard toy set along with animals that didn't originally come with the set -- only in child's play would an octopus, a snail, a monkey and a dinosaur occupy the same space harmoniously. Thus there is this feeling of surreal whimsy to Hakkio's collection, as though a box of random animal toys has been raided.

Or at least that's how it must have looked on Hakkio's front lawn.

City Hall is different, though. In the wake of years of litigation and court decisions about what can and cannot occupy governmental land, seasonal displays on government land take on their own meanings. Full-blown nativity scenes are guaranteed to raise a ruckus. The lack of references to traditional Christmas symbols will bring the same kind of complaints from the opposite side of the theological spectrum. It's really a no-win situation.

With Hakkio's animals, the city ducks a bullet quite successfully.

Or do they?

A new symbolism
After this year's display of pigs that are still all over town, it has become evident that we are a city in search of a symbolic identity. With sharks teeth becoming increasingly difficult to find on our beaches (hell, our beaches are becoming increasingly hard to find on our beaches), that whole sharks tooth capital thing is just not working any more.

Meanwhile, we have been inundated with pigs, a new symbolism. Cleveland had a similar contest, only it involved guitars in reference to the town's Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Strong Bad's friend, The Cheat, ended up on a guitar in Cleveland.

We got pigs.

Cleveland rocks.

Venice oinks?

It's just not fair. I want guitars!!!

And now, due to accident and fortune, the city has created a new Christmas season symbolism in the odd electric menagerie that now graces the lawn of City Hall.

By any chance, do you wonder what we, as a small society, are saying by displaying Hakkio's eclectic barnyard on municipal land? Since these animals don't symbolize Christmas, Hanukah, Kwanzaa, or anything else that is remotely seasonal, what exactly is the true symbolic meaning that has been created by this blatant violation of the separation of chicken wire and state?

Well, wonder no more (evil grin).

The true meaning of... that blobby thing that I don't know what it is
First, of course, is the new traditional Christmas octopus, which has its seasonal symbolic roots in Jules Verne, numerous underseas horror movies and televised reruns of Voyage To The Bottom Of The Sea. So naturally, the octopus is symbolic of the Detroit Red Wings, whose fans have the rather bizarre habit of throwing octopi onto the rink in tribute to their team.

Next up is our homage to NBC with the traditional Christmas peacock. Seen in the background of the peacock photo are the new traditional symbols of the traditional Christmas rainbow-colored butterfly, which symbolizes gay pride, along with the traditional monkey-hanging-from-a-tree-and-flinging-poo, which, of course, represents the Venice Taxpayers League.

Do not taunt the monkey. We know who you are. We will fling poo at you.

What Christmas display would be complete without the traditional I-will-bite-you-on-the-bum alligator? Based on its proximity to the NBC peacock, it is obviously symbolic of Marshall McLuhan. Or maybe it just represents the terrors of the 15th hole at Boca Royale Golf and Country Club.

Then there is the traditional... hell, I don't know what one of them is. I thought at first that it might be a snail, but there is already the traditional Christmas snail, which of course symbolizes our town's numerous white-haired drivers that are in constant search of a farmers' market to crash into.

So the whatever-it-is must be the traditional Christmas Loch Ness Monster, which of course has its new symbolic roots in...

......... ummmm

......... Ya know, I'm totally stumped on this one. Maybe it has something to do with all of our sewage problems.

Around the corner is our city's tribute to Elton John and Disney on Broadway in the form of this traditional Christmas giraffe and lion. I think it's a lion, anyway. Maybe it's a wild boar. Either way, it has that whole circle of life thing going for it. Hakuna mutata, ting tang walla walla bing bang and all that.

Then the traditional Christmas camel, which represents... ...I'm not even gonna go there.

I was told that the camel originally had an eagle sitting on its back. Fearing the inevitable charges of racism and political incorrectness, city employees separated the two. No, I'm not making this up, that is really what I was told. So I'm not even gonna mention the Venice airport.

Now, in the background of all of this is the traditional Christmas dolphin, which, of course, represents Dan Marino.

A town needs a leader and, perhaps even more importantly, a strong symbol of that leadership. So what better symbol could there be than the extinct animal chosen to lead this bizarre electric display than Dino, the traditional Christmas dinosuar? None that I can think of. In fact, it's perfect.

Yes, Virginia, there really is a dinosaur. But that's not all, Virginia. There also really is a monkey hanging from a tree and flinging poo.

BTW, I'm gonna try to get a better pic of the dinosaur in the next few days.

John Patten is the head of Web Operations for Creative Pages, and has worked in broadcasting for over 12 years. He can also be incredibly rude at times.